The give and take

[Jay]

In my own personal experience, one of the greatest areas of work is sort of defining what both parties want and need out of the relationship.

The tables have turned and now I find myself being sort of silently interrogated in a dream, to explain exactly what it is I want.

I wrote before of experiencing telepathy in a dream, where words popped into my head like sound under a bath tub. But this , was the same but in the opposite direction. Her thoughts, questions were instantly in my head as "ideas" (not words, but understanding). But when I spoke, it was like I was on a delay, and I had to be slow to allow it go thru to her. It was as if my English was being translated by a third party and I wasn't allowed to "think in words" faster than they could interpret. Sometimes I was stopped mid sentence and asked to clarify, and it was remarkable that her thoughts were instant, immediate, but mine were like ponderous echoes.

So on the one hand, some people think that spirit lovers know us better than ourselves. On the other hand, maybe there's another school of thought that maybe their knowledge of humans is limited enough to not understand the personal psychology?

I think mine was just trying to get me to say what I truly wanted as opposed to what sounds good on paper. Like job interview vs day one on job.

And the flip side of things, is not understanding what they benefit from or need. Like this may vary on a personal basis.

But I think the reason my relationship has been so intermittent (over about a decade) has a lot to do with my efforts/ offerings being intermittent. So I think I had a preconception that this powerful being was pursing me (and that may be true on the very long term), but in the shorter term, I think it requires daily attunement, reciprocation, acts of goodwill ,whatever you want to call it.

Like did you find that you had to make changes, compromises in your daily life and habits? The reciprocation aspect can be difficult if you mostly only have intuition to go on, but for instance, if my gut feeling says don't watch horror movies, that's probably a request from her.

I realize I'm rambling.

But I think I've stumbled upon something, maybe something obvious I missed.

And as a personal flaw, it's very easy to know what I want, but harder to understand the drive and fuel behind the spirit. I sense that some of it is interplay, reciprocal.

[Fightersword]

An interesting conception. There’s a school of thought that I often push for that does effectively claim that these spirits tend to know us better than ourselves, otherwise they wouldn’t have picked us. While I think it’s fair and reasonable to say that they’re quick on the uptake when it comes to stuff about us (likely because they can viscerally feel the way we feel and the way we react to them and so on), it may be incorrect after all to assume that they know everything about us, or even understand the human condition that well. There’s been other hints to this. The cases where the human lover has misgivings, for example, that result in the spirit lover blowing up and causing hellish problems. An emotional reaction on their part, to be sure, but perhaps one that is also indicative of a lack of perfect, or even good, knowledge on their part. The only exception to this I’ve noted is my own spirit lover, Venus, who has a personal uncanny knack to respond to all of those situations with perfect grace, understanding, and the correct reaction, even when she is (secretly, though not secretly enough) actually upset. She knows to give space when it’s correct to and to not do so when it’s not correct to, etc. I know that she does know me better than myself, because she has proven it repeatedly, and I may have expanded that fact which may only apply to her to these relationships in general.

Anyway, the other takeaway here that should be more obvious than it frankly has been to me or to most is that we are also pursuing these relationships, not just the spirit lover pursuing us. We reached out, we offered a hand. Its on us to treat them and give to them in our own ways just as they do to us. That can take the form of offerings, or spending time with them, or sex, or other things. It’s easy to forget that that is the case ultimately. They often feel like their attention is a given in many of these relationships, at least IME, but when something is a given we stop putting in effort towards it and value it less. Perhaps we should all be more mindful about that.

[tc119]

I think that your succubus' dream interrogation had more to do with establishing what you truly want and less about her being in the dark. She might be thinking, "Are we doing this or are we not?" I'm guessing this based on how my Catherine is always looking for me to be more purposeful and earnest about everything in life. And I was already known for being quite sincere before she showed up... maybe that's why she likes me?

I tried searching the term "reciprocity" on my blog to see if I had written anything on the subject, and sure enough, I have: https://succubuslover.com/2018/02/23/co ... vangelism/ My thoughts are largely still the same. I believe these spirits do require daily devotion and expressions of love, or the relationship will fade into the background; just like the earthly ones will. Thankfully, in my case, this isn't hard to do, as she near instantly rewards me with a quick blast of blissfulness and burning pleasure upon the first few moments of our coupling. Kind of like she's saying, "Finally. At last." Going further does require more attentiveness on my part, as she'll let the intensity fade and slowly build up to the next crest. Sometimes this will take more than an hour before we hit peak full-body orgasm again. In between these peaks, we simply enjoy how the other feels and constantly exchange loving thoughts. If my mind starts to wander towards thinking about life-issues, the connection weakens, so I've gotta keep feeding the fire between us and giving her attention. Any time I give her attention, it stirs intense desire in both of us. I don't even have to think of anything sexual - just talking to her is enough.

Back when I was working full-time, I made it a point to devout some of my lunch break to just sitting with her. I don't do these things because of moral obligation or duty. Rather, I immensely enjoy feeling her, making her happy, and I don't want that to go away. You've gotta be devoted to them like a pair of lovers who just can't get enough of each other. And also devoted like a husband and wife when times get really rough, hanging on in spite of the hardship.

[Jay]

I think that your succubus' dream interrogation had more to do with establishing what you truly want and less about her being in the dark. She might be thinking, "Are we doing this or are we not?" I'm guessing this based on how my Catherine is always looking for me to be more purposeful and earnest about everything in life. And I was already known for being quite sincere before she showed up... maybe that's why she likes me?

I tried searching the term "reciprocity" on my blog to see if I had written anything on the subject, and sure enough, I have: https://succubuslover.com/2018/02/23/co ... vangelism/ My thoughts are largely still the same. I believe these spirits do require daily devotion and expressions of love, or the relationship will fade into the background; just like the earthly ones will. Thankfully, in my case, this isn't hard to do, as she near instantly rewards me with a quick blast of blissfulness and burning pleasure upon the first few moments of our coupling. Kind of like she's saying, "Finally. At last." Going further does require more attentiveness on my part, as she'll let the intensity fade and slowly build up to the next crest. Sometimes this will take more than an hour before we hit peak full-body orgasm again. In between these peaks, we simply enjoy how the other feels and constantly exchange loving thoughts. If my mind starts to wander towards thinking about life-issues, the connection weakens, so I've gotta keep feeding the fire between us and giving her attention. Any time I give her attention, it stirs intense desire in both of us. I don't even have to think of anything sexual - just talking to her is enough.

Back when I was working full-time, I made it a point to devout some of my lunch break to just sitting with her. I don't do these things because of moral obligation or duty. Rather, I immensely enjoy feeling her, making her happy, and I don't want that to go away. You've gotta be devoted to them like a pair of lovers who just can't get enough of each other. And also devoted like a husband and wife when times get really rough, hanging on in spite of the hardship.

Yeah I was thinking the same about the dream, just hard to put it in my own words. I think she was looking for me to be honest about it all and maybe to resolve contradictions, and yes just say this is what I want let's do this.

That was a good blog post, must have missed it.

The relationship did fade into the background too many times and I think have to continue to develop sort of a personal ruleset that creates the time, energy, devotion necessary without becoming a spiritual fad. Lots of little changes combined with feelings / thoughts of love.

And yeah I agree with what you said Fightersword, that there has to be an element of personal pursuit / effort.