But its also true that by trying to connect with her - Ive had some very powerful experiences. My succubus experience happened after using her enn. But it was also driven by the desire to find 'the real Lilith'... although i have to be honest, I was 100% motivated by finding more evidence of the Cult of Inanna, Sacred Prostitution, and any magickal system/practice connected with the goddess.
And it worked! My prolonged and daily visitations went on daily for a couple of months (I think...my days all blurred into one back then).
But then, especially after the experience subsided (its been a few years now and it hasnt resumed :( ), and whilst reading through the Quareia magickal course material, doubts began to arise. I admire and respect the creator of the system, Josephine McCarthy, a great deal. She's from my neck of the woods (Britain), a northener, with a very direct, no-nonsense, no-bullshit attitude. A lifelong practitioner, she worked in service for a decade as an exorcist (a calling she states has a very definite shelf-life due to its draining nature and effects on physical health). The course itself is incredibly extensive: the three levels of apprentice, initiate and adept could easily take as long as a degree to work through, possibly even longer if you hit obstacles to integrate. The course is built to expose you progressively to just enough hazard to toughen you up a bit, but not enough to get you blown up or admitted to a psych-ward. And this isnt an advertisement: the course is free - it just requires your commitment.
So - at some point in the Apprentice course she discusses Lilith - and merely by way of an example of certain forces. She acknowledges the original, earliest root - in her opinion - of Lilith, and the functions she says it performed. But then she goes on to discuss what the 'consensus Lilith' has become. Long story cut short, she believes what people these days are connecting to is somewhat of an imposter, a [very large] parasitic egregore.
I can understand her doubts. The common LHP attitude for many lauds Lilith as anything from a feminist heroine to a vampiric queen of astral fuck-toys. In the middle-east, she was feared as a baby-eater. If you wanted to adhere solely to academia, there are many surviving examples of artefacts against her built to ward off such threats - but by this point in history, we are already far removed from her origin anyway.
As mentioned, I was much more concerned about homing in on any representation or practice that was was not afflicted by patriarchal paranoia and fear of female sexual power, as it seems to have manifested amid ancient Jewish culture. Make no mistake, Ive used many methods of magick that are firmly rooted in Jewish mysticism and sorcery and they have been very powerful and effective. But even Qabalistic practices feel unbalanced - the dark side of the Tree of Life used in the Qliphoth feel like an attempt to incorporate things deviled and not included in the Sephirot (I love the Qliphoth but good sources are few and far between).
We're dealing with things here unfortunately that are incredibly patchy. Not much has survived the test of time and too much has been lost to the sands of the deserts.
The only succubus experience I have had to date, was accomplished by trying to call out to the real Lilith. I realise now that I probably made some assumptions based on what I really wanted to discover. But it did get me a result.
My experience, of having my mind and body blown (no pun intended) for weeks on end, culminated with avery strong vision that exploded from light in my minds eye, where I saw an incredibly noble, regal woman, bedecked in golden attire and jewellry. She was so very beautiful, erotic and sensual, so alluring that I did something that I fear I might regret for the rest of my life: I could have let myself surrender to this vision, and see where it might have taken me, but I didnt. I was so surprised and amazed by this sudden vision, its clarity and voltage, that I backed off. And after that, my visitations began to fade away. Did I create this experience solely from my intense intention and its clarity of purpose? I have no idea. Josephine would have me believe it was a "cross-dressing parasite" (Ive spoken with her about it and - lol - those were her exact words).
Of course, I dont want to agree with that. Putting aside the annoying habit of some to heap attribute after attribute onto the modern conception of Lilith, Im still left with so many questions that I just cant seem to get past.
Ive just been reading a pdf copy of Sexual Alchemy, by Donald Tyson (really wish it was still in print). Right at the beginning - he sort of manages to sum up my original and intuitive understanding of what the passage of time has done so well to cover up and mutate...
Sexual A!chemy is the first book that examines in a detailed way the magic of sex
with spintual beings--this system does not exist anywhere else in its complete form.
It includes complete instructions on how to initiate and sustain satisfying erotic relationships with loving spirits who are the active agents of the Goddess, the creative
mother of the universe.