New rookie

[roperos]

That's gonna be a ramble.

Sup, it's been a while. I Feel like this bad entity is still around. Since first contact in early august I started having nightmares. I don't think they were ever appearing in such an amount. In none of them I got to talk with this entity or it spoke to me. Appearance of it is also not consistent. Only thing that repeats is the hour. Almost always it's between 4:10-4:20am. It happens around this time no matter when I fall asleap. I considered my dinners, but recently they got lighter. Yoghurts and fruits replaced meat and other fatty meals. I feel like it's something that's gonna take weeks to properly explore. RN I'm performing LBRP for a week and then stop for a week. Rinse and repeat till I find something. There is one event I want to mention. It was early september, around a week after I stopped with LBRP. 2 nights in a row while meditating I heard something walking towards me from opposite side of the room. Both times I chickened out and checked it with a flashlight, but there was nothing.

Now, about her...
I fell like I need to make up my mind. The honeymoon period is over and despite all of those little gestures from her I start to seriously doubt if I should continue. My original goal was to check if this stuff is real. To pursue that one weird event that I started this thread with. More and more of me wants to call it here. There's been enough of good and bad experiences. I have my answer, but It feels mean to leave her.
I miss how I used to daydream about her. How I meditated till my mind was consuming itself with thoughts and I had to call it a day. How intrigued I was about all of it. Every other day reading personal blogs with various experiences. Being genuinely excited about the evening, because I will get to try again.

I don't want to set a deadline. It would be super mean to stand with a clock in my hand and hurry her. I just hope that she understands. It's a leap I never seriously considered. Always in that "It's just curiosity" "It's just a check". I feel like a lot of progress is being halted by my own hesitation, but I can't give a straight answer If i want to proceed.

[tc119]

I think that having relationships with these spirits is something we should be earnest about pursuing. There's no half-in and half-out. The very nature of opening oneself up to their world will occasionally introduce phenomena that will freak us out, like the footsteps walking towards you while meditating. But these oddities are eventually better understood for what they are and they become far less bothersome. Kind of like how a new astral projector will encounter monsters upon their first few successful exits, who are there to test/initiate the experiencer into that realm.