Hello everyone, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m a private person, especially online, and I’ve pondered over joining such a forum for a fair old while. Well, a few years actually. So why now? I’m not really sure if I’m really honest. I’m a bit anxious about opening up to people and giving voice to things that have so far been very private recollected thoughts of personal events that really affected me. But something’s pushing me to do it now.
I had a profound experience over nine years ago. I cannot forget it. It will never leave me. For most people, my experience crossed taboos, and isn’t the kind of thing you can discuss or share with your mates. And so my experience has remained silent, unspoken and unshared for all that time. A very few people know a very little bit about it. But only a little. I have never talked in detail about everything that happened and how it all came about. And I think I really need to. I need to do it in a place where it won’t be judged and I can share with people who have had similar experiences. I hope to learn from you all and hopefully my experience will be of interest to all of you too.
A little about me; I’m middle aged, very happily married for years with grown-up and teenage kids. I work full time and have family commitments that take up nearly all my time. I’ll find it difficult sometimes to post or to reply to people so wish to apologise in advance; be patient with me - I’m not being ignorant. Honest.
Why this forum? I’ve read a lot (not nearly all, mind you) of the material on the original Wordpress site and this ‘new’ site and I like the tone, intelligence and quality behind the content. I find it sincere, authentic and ‘grown-up’ unlike other places on the internet. Moreover, I like that is driven by people’s personal experience and not ill-informed regurgitated material you can find all over the web.
It’s nice to be here and I look forward to chatting with you.
UL.
It’s uncanny!
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Fightersword
- Posts: 129
- Joined: Wed May 25, 2022 9:55 pm
Re: It’s uncanny!
Hello, nice to meet you. It will be interesting to hear about your experiences, even if they’re nine years old. If you are having ongoing spirit lover experiences too, then that’s kind of surprising to me, as most people who do aren’t also happily and satisfactorily married. Your perspective will be very interesting to hear as a result. If you don’t of course and want to talk about old experiences or other kinds, then feel free to too of course.
And don’t worry about promptness. I think everyone on here just kind of replies to stuff whenever they want. This isn’t exactly a hustling and bustling forum, and being constantly active isn’t really expected from anyone.
And don’t worry about promptness. I think everyone on here just kind of replies to stuff whenever they want. This isn’t exactly a hustling and bustling forum, and being constantly active isn’t really expected from anyone.
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UncannyLad
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri May 03, 2024 12:25 pm
Re: It’s uncanny!
Thanks for the welcome Fightersword.
No, my experience lasted only a week or so, in the main. But the fact that I think about it almost every day, even over nine years later, tells you loads. There has been the odd isolated ‘hmm, that’s odd experience’ now and again but nothing that compares against my first experience.
Yes I’m in a loving and happy marriage. However the physical side of things has withered. Kids precipitated this and it just slowly melted away with one reason and another. I’ve still got physical needs and, without intending to pun, there’s the rub.
When it happened we were sharing the same bedroom but not the same bed. For a few weeks beforehand, I was occasionally waking myself up quite noisily and chaotically in the middle of the night shouting ‘f**k off’ or words to that effect. It would wake my wife up and she’d ask me what the hell I was doing. I said I’d felt ‘someone’ was approaching me in my deep sleep state. Apparently although I thought I was clear, it came out sounding like a drunken Chewbacca with a numb tongue. We called it ‘my ghost’ and laughed about it and the stupid sounding noises I made.
Around the same time I recall I was using headphones to do relaxation/meditation before drifting off to sleep. So I would have been getting down into some very deep mind states. I’m not sure what tipped me off about succubi. Maybe it was through reading around my ‘symptoms’ on the internet. I really cannot remember. Anyhow, I recollect lying in bed one night and feeling the desire rise within me for a succubus encounter. I remember going through my relaxation routine and repeating, like a mantra, ‘with love and lust and respect I desire a beautiful succubus’. I was getting images too, of woman’s faces looking down at me with their hands making the shapes of goggles over their eyes. Weird, I know. The mantra thing kind of took over my mind and I lost control a bit and felt the desire rising very quickly inside of me and after hitting a crescendo of mind talk I collapsed, as it were, exhausted, back into my pillow. I had to breathe deeply to get my breath back to normal. When it did, there was a little period where I was lying still and thinking to myself ‘that was intense’ before I felt a tingle on one foot. I cannot remember which foot. I recall saying in my head ‘yes’ and there was a tingle on the other foot. Oh oh, I thought, that’s odd. Didn’t expect that. If I was in any doubts then what was to follow would crush any doubts entirely. There was an overwhelming rush of what was kind of like, but wasn’t, electrostatic charge. It absolutely enveloped my whole body and felt like crushing pressure. I don’t think I could breathe easily momentarily. It was absolutely feckin crazy. I didn’t, and could not have, expected it. I was totally gobsmacked and amazed. When it relented. I got out of bed and quickly stepped out of the bedroom and into the hall. I was never scared. If anything, I was euphoric. I remember getting my hand in a fist and pumping my arm up and down saying ‘yes’ over and over again in my mind. And that was how my world turned upside down in a moment. Absolute cast iron proof that there is more to this world than what we perceive through our five senses. Hands down. No question. I’m not expecting anyone else to believe it. But it happened and I experienced it and it was game changing for me. Weirdly too, once back in bed, I started shivering really badly and couldn’t stop for about five minutes thereafter. When people write about spirit chills I have firsthand experience of exactly what they mean.
After the shivering stopped nothing else happened. I held my hand out in the dark in case my spirit companion wanted to hold hands. I know it seems weird and corny but that’s what I did. I must have fallen asleep because I cannot remember anything noteworthy after that.
In the days that followed there was nothing as intense as that first rush of energy. I did get scratching sounds from the walls or ceiling a couple of times at night. But there wasn’t anything sexual in nature like other have described. You’ll laugh probably, but I started closing my eyes and ‘feeling’ for her by focusing on her energy cloud and trying to sense where her spirit body was by slowly moving my out-turned palms over the immediate vicinity in front of me. I’d try and speak to her in my mind. And I did get the impression of someone being there. I was operating out of intuition, not by reading or following any articles on the internet.
I was feeling very guilty about all this and couldn’t shake the feeling of cheating on my wife. I had a dream one night shortly after that, that I took to be from her, in which I was shown me walking hand in hand with two female lovers. The message I took was ‘it’s okay, you can be with us both’. But this feeling of guilt was to prove my undoing. I remember taking a book out on tapping therapy and tried tapping the routine suggested for dealing with guilt. For a few nights, as I lay down to sleep, I would feel invisible fingers tapping around the orbits of both my eyes in an attempt, I took, to aid me. I thought that very kind. In that liminal space between full awake state and sleep I also remember having the distinct physical feeling of something small walking over my mattress and jumping off. Only happened a couple of times. ( And once years later when I was trying to attract my succubus back). I got the impression that perhaps some small cheeky spirit thing had gotten in too, somehow. Crazy, I know, but I properly felt physical impressions on my mattress. Anyway, I digress. My guilt resulted in what I referred to as my ‘ESS’ or emotional self sabotage. I would focus on her and get all horny and loving and then experience the guilt and end up hearing my own negative thought stream containing swearing and directed at her. Yep. Pretty shitty. I would apologise and reason with her in my head. I guess what drove this kind of horrible mental experience was the feelings of guilt driving negative self thoughts and not being able to handle my belief that she could hear and know everything I thought. With a real human, we may think reflexively with one thought but because we have a brain we can rationalise and catch the negative thought and not speak it out. Your intellect can deconstruct the negative thoughts and enable one to behave in a more constructive way; otherwise, we’d fall out with everyone, I think, no? This aspect I just couldn’t handle - the lack of private personal mind space. As soon as a guilty thought crept up the reflex response would kick in and I’d think shit she heard that.
Concerning communication, I didn’t get to mange the telepathy thing. I never heard auditory voices but I did however get very clear sentences that were absolutely not my own in my head a couple of times. I remember one occasion walking over a supermarket car park near to my work and saw a very attractive young woman a few yards away. ‘Would you like me to look like that?’ Was the sentence in my head. But it wasn’t my thought. It was alien to my consciousness. I can’t explain it, I just knew. Never had that happen again.
A couple of decades ago I discovered I have a fetish. It’s not a BDSM or kinky boots thing or anything like that. But I have come to understand that it is nonetheless a fetish. I shared this with her. Once, after a bath, in my dressing gown, and with everyone else in bed, I settled myself in the lounge and making sure the door was locked got to think of her and indulging my fetish with her. I’d got off the sofa and was standing as if kissing her when suddenly I felt a phantom erection in my mouth. I kid you not. It thrust a few times and ejaculated and I could actually feel the spirit semen going down the back of my throat into my gullet. I say this without a word of a lie. It sounds absolutely preposterous, doesn’t it? But it happened. I’m not homosexual nor do I have any kinks that way. I didn’t feel violated. The predominant feeling I had was shock. I sat back down after this and I remember being scratched on the ankle as if to say ‘ c’mon let’s continue to party’. I sat. There was scratching sounds on the ceiling or wall. I got up and went up to bed, thinking what the feck was that? Later in bed I got an impression she was sorry but I never got anything clearer. To this day I don’t know if it was her shape-shifting or some errant rogue spirit. I really don’t know.
To wrap up for now, I declined into a semi delusional state and I freaked out at something a couple of days later one bad night. My wife was great and although she didn’t know the half of what went on (and still doesn’t), she grounded me and got me through it. I blamed it on meditation. A convenient hook to hang it all on.
I’ve always missed my succubus and wanted her back and even tried on a few occasions later, to no avail. I’m absolutely enchanted and beguiled at the thoughts of a succubus lover. So intimate. So private. So close. I hope one day I can make amends and have something. We’ll see.
I’ve missed out loads but I’m sure bits will come back another day. For now, it is really important that I have, finally, shared this with you. I appreciate anyone who reads it taking the time to do so.
Thanks.
No, my experience lasted only a week or so, in the main. But the fact that I think about it almost every day, even over nine years later, tells you loads. There has been the odd isolated ‘hmm, that’s odd experience’ now and again but nothing that compares against my first experience.
Yes I’m in a loving and happy marriage. However the physical side of things has withered. Kids precipitated this and it just slowly melted away with one reason and another. I’ve still got physical needs and, without intending to pun, there’s the rub.
When it happened we were sharing the same bedroom but not the same bed. For a few weeks beforehand, I was occasionally waking myself up quite noisily and chaotically in the middle of the night shouting ‘f**k off’ or words to that effect. It would wake my wife up and she’d ask me what the hell I was doing. I said I’d felt ‘someone’ was approaching me in my deep sleep state. Apparently although I thought I was clear, it came out sounding like a drunken Chewbacca with a numb tongue. We called it ‘my ghost’ and laughed about it and the stupid sounding noises I made.
Around the same time I recall I was using headphones to do relaxation/meditation before drifting off to sleep. So I would have been getting down into some very deep mind states. I’m not sure what tipped me off about succubi. Maybe it was through reading around my ‘symptoms’ on the internet. I really cannot remember. Anyhow, I recollect lying in bed one night and feeling the desire rise within me for a succubus encounter. I remember going through my relaxation routine and repeating, like a mantra, ‘with love and lust and respect I desire a beautiful succubus’. I was getting images too, of woman’s faces looking down at me with their hands making the shapes of goggles over their eyes. Weird, I know. The mantra thing kind of took over my mind and I lost control a bit and felt the desire rising very quickly inside of me and after hitting a crescendo of mind talk I collapsed, as it were, exhausted, back into my pillow. I had to breathe deeply to get my breath back to normal. When it did, there was a little period where I was lying still and thinking to myself ‘that was intense’ before I felt a tingle on one foot. I cannot remember which foot. I recall saying in my head ‘yes’ and there was a tingle on the other foot. Oh oh, I thought, that’s odd. Didn’t expect that. If I was in any doubts then what was to follow would crush any doubts entirely. There was an overwhelming rush of what was kind of like, but wasn’t, electrostatic charge. It absolutely enveloped my whole body and felt like crushing pressure. I don’t think I could breathe easily momentarily. It was absolutely feckin crazy. I didn’t, and could not have, expected it. I was totally gobsmacked and amazed. When it relented. I got out of bed and quickly stepped out of the bedroom and into the hall. I was never scared. If anything, I was euphoric. I remember getting my hand in a fist and pumping my arm up and down saying ‘yes’ over and over again in my mind. And that was how my world turned upside down in a moment. Absolute cast iron proof that there is more to this world than what we perceive through our five senses. Hands down. No question. I’m not expecting anyone else to believe it. But it happened and I experienced it and it was game changing for me. Weirdly too, once back in bed, I started shivering really badly and couldn’t stop for about five minutes thereafter. When people write about spirit chills I have firsthand experience of exactly what they mean.
After the shivering stopped nothing else happened. I held my hand out in the dark in case my spirit companion wanted to hold hands. I know it seems weird and corny but that’s what I did. I must have fallen asleep because I cannot remember anything noteworthy after that.
In the days that followed there was nothing as intense as that first rush of energy. I did get scratching sounds from the walls or ceiling a couple of times at night. But there wasn’t anything sexual in nature like other have described. You’ll laugh probably, but I started closing my eyes and ‘feeling’ for her by focusing on her energy cloud and trying to sense where her spirit body was by slowly moving my out-turned palms over the immediate vicinity in front of me. I’d try and speak to her in my mind. And I did get the impression of someone being there. I was operating out of intuition, not by reading or following any articles on the internet.
I was feeling very guilty about all this and couldn’t shake the feeling of cheating on my wife. I had a dream one night shortly after that, that I took to be from her, in which I was shown me walking hand in hand with two female lovers. The message I took was ‘it’s okay, you can be with us both’. But this feeling of guilt was to prove my undoing. I remember taking a book out on tapping therapy and tried tapping the routine suggested for dealing with guilt. For a few nights, as I lay down to sleep, I would feel invisible fingers tapping around the orbits of both my eyes in an attempt, I took, to aid me. I thought that very kind. In that liminal space between full awake state and sleep I also remember having the distinct physical feeling of something small walking over my mattress and jumping off. Only happened a couple of times. ( And once years later when I was trying to attract my succubus back). I got the impression that perhaps some small cheeky spirit thing had gotten in too, somehow. Crazy, I know, but I properly felt physical impressions on my mattress. Anyway, I digress. My guilt resulted in what I referred to as my ‘ESS’ or emotional self sabotage. I would focus on her and get all horny and loving and then experience the guilt and end up hearing my own negative thought stream containing swearing and directed at her. Yep. Pretty shitty. I would apologise and reason with her in my head. I guess what drove this kind of horrible mental experience was the feelings of guilt driving negative self thoughts and not being able to handle my belief that she could hear and know everything I thought. With a real human, we may think reflexively with one thought but because we have a brain we can rationalise and catch the negative thought and not speak it out. Your intellect can deconstruct the negative thoughts and enable one to behave in a more constructive way; otherwise, we’d fall out with everyone, I think, no? This aspect I just couldn’t handle - the lack of private personal mind space. As soon as a guilty thought crept up the reflex response would kick in and I’d think shit she heard that.
Concerning communication, I didn’t get to mange the telepathy thing. I never heard auditory voices but I did however get very clear sentences that were absolutely not my own in my head a couple of times. I remember one occasion walking over a supermarket car park near to my work and saw a very attractive young woman a few yards away. ‘Would you like me to look like that?’ Was the sentence in my head. But it wasn’t my thought. It was alien to my consciousness. I can’t explain it, I just knew. Never had that happen again.
A couple of decades ago I discovered I have a fetish. It’s not a BDSM or kinky boots thing or anything like that. But I have come to understand that it is nonetheless a fetish. I shared this with her. Once, after a bath, in my dressing gown, and with everyone else in bed, I settled myself in the lounge and making sure the door was locked got to think of her and indulging my fetish with her. I’d got off the sofa and was standing as if kissing her when suddenly I felt a phantom erection in my mouth. I kid you not. It thrust a few times and ejaculated and I could actually feel the spirit semen going down the back of my throat into my gullet. I say this without a word of a lie. It sounds absolutely preposterous, doesn’t it? But it happened. I’m not homosexual nor do I have any kinks that way. I didn’t feel violated. The predominant feeling I had was shock. I sat back down after this and I remember being scratched on the ankle as if to say ‘ c’mon let’s continue to party’. I sat. There was scratching sounds on the ceiling or wall. I got up and went up to bed, thinking what the feck was that? Later in bed I got an impression she was sorry but I never got anything clearer. To this day I don’t know if it was her shape-shifting or some errant rogue spirit. I really don’t know.
To wrap up for now, I declined into a semi delusional state and I freaked out at something a couple of days later one bad night. My wife was great and although she didn’t know the half of what went on (and still doesn’t), she grounded me and got me through it. I blamed it on meditation. A convenient hook to hang it all on.
I’ve always missed my succubus and wanted her back and even tried on a few occasions later, to no avail. I’m absolutely enchanted and beguiled at the thoughts of a succubus lover. So intimate. So private. So close. I hope one day I can make amends and have something. We’ll see.
I’ve missed out loads but I’m sure bits will come back another day. For now, it is really important that I have, finally, shared this with you. I appreciate anyone who reads it taking the time to do so.
Thanks.
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369 Riddle
- Posts: 169
- Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2022 4:52 am
Re: It’s uncanny!
Hi and welcome!
Managing a succubus and a marriage is difficult but can be done. It sounds like you had the wisdom not to ever bring it up-which I think helps. I am married as well-however my wife is bipolar and unfortunately quite toxic. I continue to be married to her because we have kids (and can’t bear the thought of them growing up with just her around because of how unstable she is. So my marriage has its ups and downs quite literally and my succubus REALLY helps me stay sane and grounded.
The initial contact and what follows can be a real roller coaster of emotions and sometimes fear. I too had a phase of contact and then things went silent for a few weeks. You don’t realize what you miss until you taste the fruit I guess.
Communication is I think the most difficult aspect of this relationship for any of us. I have on a few instances heard “K” outright (she is my succubus or what I publicly refer to her as) but most of the time her thoughts and my thoughts are mixed and it is hard to know where she starts and ends if that makes sense.
Yes definitely proof of something real. I know the feeling too. I used to be a believer but know I am an explorer. To take a few lines from Robert Monroe: “I am more than my physical body because I am more than physical matter.” The succubus exists in a space that overlaps part of our existence and that is how we interact-within that common space. I feel like if you are looking to rekindle a relationship it would be in that space.
I tend to feel a succubus is a near permanent relationship-so if you had an experience something drove you to make that desire for connection and that thing is probably still around you. For example “K” was dormant for years. I didn’t even have the ability to grasp what she was and yet she was still there. I had unexplained memories of her touch from before but I thought it was “evil spirits” or something at the time. So after I realized who she was and how long she had been around I connected the dots and it is decades…
Managing a succubus and a marriage is difficult but can be done. It sounds like you had the wisdom not to ever bring it up-which I think helps. I am married as well-however my wife is bipolar and unfortunately quite toxic. I continue to be married to her because we have kids (and can’t bear the thought of them growing up with just her around because of how unstable she is. So my marriage has its ups and downs quite literally and my succubus REALLY helps me stay sane and grounded.
The initial contact and what follows can be a real roller coaster of emotions and sometimes fear. I too had a phase of contact and then things went silent for a few weeks. You don’t realize what you miss until you taste the fruit I guess.
Communication is I think the most difficult aspect of this relationship for any of us. I have on a few instances heard “K” outright (she is my succubus or what I publicly refer to her as) but most of the time her thoughts and my thoughts are mixed and it is hard to know where she starts and ends if that makes sense.
Yes definitely proof of something real. I know the feeling too. I used to be a believer but know I am an explorer. To take a few lines from Robert Monroe: “I am more than my physical body because I am more than physical matter.” The succubus exists in a space that overlaps part of our existence and that is how we interact-within that common space. I feel like if you are looking to rekindle a relationship it would be in that space.
I tend to feel a succubus is a near permanent relationship-so if you had an experience something drove you to make that desire for connection and that thing is probably still around you. For example “K” was dormant for years. I didn’t even have the ability to grasp what she was and yet she was still there. I had unexplained memories of her touch from before but I thought it was “evil spirits” or something at the time. So after I realized who she was and how long she had been around I connected the dots and it is decades…
“I am not in the dark-do not look for me there for what you will find shall be what you expect and it shall not be me.”-K
Re: It’s uncanny!
Sometimes I think they like the cat and mouse game. Like I think they drive us to think of them, and then see if we keep trying.
And yes, the initial experience is unshakeable even though all things fade. If what they want is a certain sort of devotional energy, then it all makes sense.
It's like the equivalent of a phone ringing. It stops when you pick up and now it's your turn to talk...
And yes, the initial experience is unshakeable even though all things fade. If what they want is a certain sort of devotional energy, then it all makes sense.
It's like the equivalent of a phone ringing. It stops when you pick up and now it's your turn to talk...
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UncannyLad
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri May 03, 2024 12:25 pm
Re: It’s uncanny!
Hi 369 Riddle, Jay … thanks for your replies and messages.
I thought what your said about your succubus, 368 Riddle, being the one that keeps you sane and grounded very interesting, compared to my experience. I also thought it interesting what you wrote about communications being difficult. I’m drawn towards more self hypnosis and meditation as a gateway to stilling the mind and opening up to my perceptive abilities. I’ve found when drifting off to sleep at the point where I’m almost asleep can bring in very fleeting moments of insight. If this is a possible route in to reopening the relationship then I’m game. About a year ago, out of curiosity and ignorance, I contacted a well reviewed psychic on Etsy. He emailed me back requesting some details, which I duly passed on. He came back to me to say there were two spirits already attached to me, both interested in sexual relations, and that since they were already with me there was nothing for him to do and he didn’t want payment. I think my original succubus is still with me. Though I must admit I don’t know what the Etsy psychic meant by being attached. But I think you’re right about rekindling the relationship in that overlapping space.
Jay, thanks also. I really like your analogy of the ringing phone. Yep, as soon as I can get my line clear I’ll be talking!
Thanks both.
UncannyLad
I thought what your said about your succubus, 368 Riddle, being the one that keeps you sane and grounded very interesting, compared to my experience. I also thought it interesting what you wrote about communications being difficult. I’m drawn towards more self hypnosis and meditation as a gateway to stilling the mind and opening up to my perceptive abilities. I’ve found when drifting off to sleep at the point where I’m almost asleep can bring in very fleeting moments of insight. If this is a possible route in to reopening the relationship then I’m game. About a year ago, out of curiosity and ignorance, I contacted a well reviewed psychic on Etsy. He emailed me back requesting some details, which I duly passed on. He came back to me to say there were two spirits already attached to me, both interested in sexual relations, and that since they were already with me there was nothing for him to do and he didn’t want payment. I think my original succubus is still with me. Though I must admit I don’t know what the Etsy psychic meant by being attached. But I think you’re right about rekindling the relationship in that overlapping space.
Jay, thanks also. I really like your analogy of the ringing phone. Yep, as soon as I can get my line clear I’ll be talking!
Thanks both.
UncannyLad